What Does 썸타다 (Sseomtada) Mean in Korean? The Almost-Dating Stage
Written and reviewed by Jun and Jin, native Korean speakers
Published · How we write & review
After this page, you can explain what 썸타다 and 썸 mean, spot 썸남 and 썸녀, and tell a 썸 from a relationship that is officially 사귀다.
10-second answer
What does Sseomtada mean?
썸타다 (sseomtada) describes the stage where two people like each other but are not officially a couple yet. The word 썸 (sseom) comes from the English "something." Two people in a 썸 text and meet often, but there is no clear confession, so it is not yet 사귀다 (sagwida), "to date."
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1. 썸타다 describes two people who...
What 썸 Means, and Where It Comes From
썸 (sseom) comes from the English word "something," and 썸타다 (sseomtada) is the verb for being in that stage: you like each other, but you are not officially together yet. The verb ending 타다 (tada) is the ordinary verb "to ride," so 썸타다 is something like "riding a 썸." The phrase 썸타는 중 (sseomtaneun jung) means "in the middle of a 썸," and 썸타는 사이 (sseomtaneun sai) means "people who are in a 썸 with each other."
Korea's official dictionaries treat the word in a particular way. The Standard Korean Dictionary has no entry for 썸. The collaborative dictionary 우리말샘 (Urimal Saem), also run by the National Institute of Korean Language, does list it, defining 썸 as a relationship that is not yet romantic but in which two people are close, as if they were dating (아직 연인 관계는 아니지만 서로 사귀는 듯이 가까이 지내는 관계), and giving "something" as the source. It also lists 썸남-썸녀 for the man and the woman in such a relationship. The entry notes that its standard spelling is not yet settled. I did not find a separate entry for the verb 썸타다 there.
See also: 오빠 (oppa)
Three Scenes Where You Hear It
썸 is casual vocabulary, so it shows up in conversation between friends and coworkers, and in the moment when one person wants to find out where things stand.
너 요즘 주말마다 그 오빠 만나더라? 둘이 썸타는 중이지?
neo yojeum jumalmada geu oppa mannadeora? duri sseomtaneun jungiji?
I see you've been meeting that guy every weekend lately, haven't you? You two are in a 썸, right?
A friend teasing a friend. 오빠 (oppa) here is the guy she keeps meeting; see 오빠 (oppa). The ending -지 (-ji) asks for agreement, "right?"
김 대리님이랑 이 사원님, 아까 탕비실에서 눈빛 주고받는 거 봤어? 백퍼센트 썸타는 거야.
gim daerinimirang i sawonnim, akka tangbisireseo nunbit jugobatneun geo bwasseo? baekpeosenteu sseomtaneun geoya.
Did you see Assistant Manager Kim and Staff Member Lee exchanging looks in the pantry earlier? They are one hundred percent in a 썸.
Coworkers gossiping. 탕비실 (tangbisil) is the small office kitchen or break room. 눈빛을 주고받다 (nunbicheul jugobatda) is "to exchange glances."
우리 지금 몇 달째 주말마다 만나고 매일 연락하잖아. 우리 그냥 썸타는 사이야, 아니면 뭐야?
uri jigeum myeot daljjae jumalmada mannago maeil yeonrakhajanha. uri geunyang sseomtaneun saiya, animyeon mwoya?
We have been meeting every weekend and in touch every day for months now. Are we just in a 썸, or what are we?
This is the moment someone steers the other toward a confession. Asking "what are we" is a way of pushing the 썸 toward a real answer. Compare the confession moment in 사랑해 vs 좋아해.
썸남 and 썸녀
A man you are in a 썸 with is a 썸남 (sseomnam), and a woman is a 썸녀 (sseomnyeo). 남 (nam) is "man" and 녀 (nyeo) is "woman." Neither is your boyfriend or girlfriend yet. Here are the typical signs of each.
| Word | Who it is | What it looks like |
|---|---|---|
| 썸남 (sseomnam) | a man you like and who likes you back, but who is not yet your boyfriend | He sends "잘 자" (jal ja, "sleep well") by KakaoTalk every night and makes plans for the weekend. |
| 썸녀 (sseomnyeo) | a woman you like and who likes you back, but who is not yet your girlfriend | She smiles brightly when you meet, is the first to notice small changes like a new hairstyle, and sometimes shows a little jealousy. |
There is one more tell: you both want to look good for each other, so the person you are in a 썸 with is the one you dress up most carefully for when you head out to meet. For the casual tone of the "잘 자" (jal ja) in that table, see 반말 vs 존댓말.
썸타다 vs 사귀다: Belonging and Responsibility
사귀다 (sagwida) is "to date, to go out with someone," the point where the relationship is made official. The key difference is 소속감 (sosokgam), "a sense of belonging," and 책임감 (chaekimgam), "a sense of responsibility." In a 썸 neither is expected. In a relationship both are.
| 썸타다 (sseomtada) | 사귀다 (sagwida) | |
|---|---|---|
| Contact and meetings | If you are busy and contact stops, there is little reason to feel hurt | Contact is a matter of course, and each is the other's first priority when making plans |
| Jealousy and control | If they see someone else, you have no right to object | You can honestly be jealous and set limits |
| The decisive line | No clear confession such as "오늘부터 1일 하자" (oneulbuteo 1il haja), "let's make today day one" | The relationship has been made official |
The one-line rule
If they can see someone else without it counting as cheating (바람, baram), it is a 썸. If you owe each other moral and emotional responsibility, you are 사귀는 사이 (sagwineun sai), a couple.
How to Use It, and What to Watch For
All the sentences above are casual speech. They are the kind of thing said among friends, among close coworkers, or between the two people involved, not in formal writing. Keep 썸 for conversations where that tone fits; compare how much tone changes the sense in 반말 vs 존댓말.
Do not call a 썸남 or a 썸녀 your boyfriend or girlfriend. The word exists precisely because that step has not been taken. If you want to know the difference between liking and loving words once things move on, see 사랑해 vs 좋아해 and I love you in Korean: all the ways.
Common mistake: treating 썸 as official
A 썸 can last months, with weekly meetings and daily messages, and still not be a relationship. What turns it into 사귀다 is the clear confession that makes it official.
Mini Quiz
3 short questions — about 2 minute
2. What English word does 썸 come from?
3. A man you are in a 썸 with is called...
4. According to the one-line rule, when is it a 썸 and not a relationship?
Related Knowledge
1 more related
Learn Next
사랑해 vs 좋아해 (saranghae vs jjoahae)
Once a 썸 turns into a confession, this is the next question: which word to say.
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